Enlightenment

I just had this IM conversation w/ a buddy of mine. (I'm windingroadrider)
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Shawn: I thikn my apartment might burn down today]

windingroadrider: why's that?

Shawn: I was getting ready for work and this huge horrendous sound and light came shooting out of the living room

windingroadrider: Light came shooting out of the living room?

Shawn: picture the terminator movies when arnold phases into time

windingroadrider: What do you mean
windingroadrider: huh

Shawn: this really loud fizzing sound and the rooom was all lite up
Shawn: ever seen the terminator?

windingroadrider: a long time ago, I don't really remember what you mean
windingroadrider: So you just shrugged and left for work?

Shawn: when arnold shows up its in a huge ball of hot electricity
Shawn: lol, no
Shawn: it turned out to be a light fixture in my living room..

windingroadrider: ah

Shawn: so I hung out (from a distance) for a few minutes and then I climbed up and felt the ceiling and stuff and nothing was hot except for the fixture itself
Shawn: but I can tell you that no light bulb ever burning out has lasted 3-4 seconds and scared the shit out of me in the same way

windingroadrider: maybe it was god

Shawn: hahaha
Shawn: coming in to see what a mess my apartment was?
Shawn: borrowing my light bulb?

windingroadrider: lol
windingroadrider: god probably just takes light bulbs
windingroadrider: he doesn't return them
windingroadrider: but we call them 'burned out'

Shawn: well that's not very nice of him.. lightbulbs cost money

windingroadrider: Yeah, but think about it from his angle- he's got to be all seeing, right? Well you need a lot of light bulbs to see everywhere.

Shawn: hmmmm..... it would be more cost efficient for him to just create a portable cold-fusion generated light source
Shawn: since he exists for all time.. it must seem like he is spending all his time swapping out light bulbs

windingroadrider: he must be psyched we're coming out with these really long lasting ones now

Shawn: but even that must seem like only seconds to an immortal

windingroadrider: though if you are around for eternity, then you would still feel like you're always swapping em out...
windingroadrider: poor god

Shawn: no shit
Shawn: it would explain why stuff seems to be slipping through the cracks.... he should create a big fusion bulb... I'm tellin ya

windingroadrider: If it was one bulb, big enough to light up the universe, where would you screw it in?
windingroadrider: And where would you plug it in?

Shawn: well it's god... he could just plug it in whereever

windingroadrider: And if it was that bright, could you use it to power a solar panel, and then plug the socket into that?

Shawn: welll it could also be a head mounted projection type system... the way it would be lighting up whatever he was looking at
Shawn: and no.. even god can't make perpetual motion... so the self-power generating light is out

windingroadrider: I thought he could do whatever he wanted... he's god
windingroadrider: Didn't he invent physics?

Shawn: but the fusion reaction could probably be contained in a handy little god-sized fanny pack

windingroadrider: what size waist would god have to strap the fanny pack around?

Shawn: yeah... but it would fuck with all of space time to start messing with the laws of conservation of energy, etc
Shawn: imagine filling a cosmic waterballoon with too much energy.... Blamm-o

windingroadrider: Wouldn't that be what you did to pass the time if you were god- fuck with everything?

Shawn: big mess... and his little ant farm called earth would be broken.. not much fun

windingroadrider: We're in his little petri dish

Shawn: yeah..... god can be gross.. ya never know where we've been
Shawn: and I'll bet he's not even wearing gloves

windingroadrider: I hope he washes his hands before Mrs. God calls him to dinner.

Shawn: lol
Shawn: wouldn't it be depressing to all the chrisitians if there was a god.. but we were just a wierd type of organism living in his nose or under his toenails or something

windingroadrider: And one day, he'll sneeze.
windingroadrider: And it will be all over.

Shawn: I don't think the have hossanahs (spelled this wrong of course) for that
Shawn: hehe
Shawn: the cosmos is just a big booger in the nose of god
Shawn: somehow everything makes a bit more sense now

windingroadrider: I feel very enlightened.

Shawn: hehe
Shawn: I feel kinda green
Shawn: hehehehe
Shawn: ya think we are his favorite booger?

windingroadrider: I hope not- wouldn't that mean he's gonna pick us out and flick us next?
windingroadrider: Or do you do that with your least favorite bogger?

Shawn: god might be an eater too.. ya never know
Shawn: that would kinda suck for us
Shawn: I'd rather be rolled and flicked than digested

windingroadrider: We'd pass through god's colon though. There's always that to look forward to.

Shawn: the devine shit ride